Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Judgment and Salvation

Luke 6:46-49

The other day I was talking to someone and I mentioned that I believed there would probably be more Gay people in Heaven than christians.  The person was really surprised and asked me why I would say that.

I explained that most Gay people knew they were sinning.  Like Paul, they do that which is not allowed (Romans 7:15) and, Like Paul, may repent even as they sin.

Judgmental christians who rebuke those they believe are sinning without benefit of the Holy Spirit disobey Christ who told us "Judge Not" (Matt 7:1) and who also told us "I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." (John 5:30) and "And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me." (John 8:16).

In addition Christ tells us: "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." (John 14:21)

In Luke 6:46-49 Christ tells us: "46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? 47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.49 But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great."

We have Gay people doing something repeatedly, like Paul, that they know the Bible tells them is a sin and so they may repent.

We have "christians" who judge without benefit of the Holy Ghost, breaking the commandment of Christ to Judge Not, and who believe they are righteous and so do not repent.

Who enters into Heaven?  The repent sinner or the self righteous and unrepentant christian?

How do we know the difference between the self righteous christian and a Christian following Christ?  Christ tells us in John 5:30-31,

"31 If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.  32 There is another that beareth witness of me; and I know that the witness which he witnesseth of me is true."  The Holy Ghost witnesses with those whose witness is directed by the Holy Ghost.  If the Holy Ghost is not witnessing with the person judging, the person is breaking the commandment of Christ not to judge.

There are those who believe the Bible gives them the authority to judge, they do so without the benefit of the Holy Ghost, and there are those who are called to servitude in Christ and to spread the Good News of the Forgiveness of Sin through Christ.

People will be rewarded as they deserve, those sinners who repent are forgiven, those sinners who believe that they are righteous do not seek repentance and are not forgiven.

Christ tells us, in Matthew 25, that people will be separated as sheep and goats.  In John 10 we are told that Christ's sheep will know his voice.  In Matthew 7 Christ tells us that there will be those who believe they are saved, and yet never knew Christ.

Listening is the most important part of any relationship.  We have to listen to God.  If we don't listen, hear and know God's voice then, on the last days, we won't respond to Christ's call and we will follow the goats out of the presence of God.  Even those who believe, and yet do not KNOW Christ, will end up in hell because they didn't know Christ, Christ's voice, and couldn't respond to the call.

So, do I think a repentant sinner ends up in hell while an unrepentant, judgmental and authoritarian pseudo-christian ends up in heaven?

Or, do I think a repentant sinner ends up in heaven while an unrepentant, judgmental and authoritarian pseudo-christian ends up in hell?

I could argue against most sinful behavior, including my own, from twenty different perspectives.  Yet, sin is inconsequential for people are saved by faith in the grace of Christ and not by law.  Romans 6:14-15: "14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid."  What constitutes "sin" before God?  For this we can depend on the instruction of people who teach a false doctrine OR we can depend on the Holy Ghost who teaches a true doctrine and gives understanding.

Look at whom you have received instruction from.  If you depend on instruction of people, if you give people authority over the definition of any word in scripture, your faith is false.  If you depend on God and don't open your mouth unless God talks to you your faith is true.

Is anyone perfect?  Can anyone always speak nothing but the Holy Ghost?  There is one, and one only, and that is Christ.  The rest of us struggle between placing our faith in ourselves, other people and God.  The truth is, only those (and this includes me) whose faith, whose belief in things unseen, is strong enough will hear Christ on that last day.

Practice listening to the Holy Ghost at all times and remember that it is not the judgment of people, nor the esteem among mankind, that will open the gates of heaven.  It is only through faith in the Grace of Christ that we may KNOW our Saviour and enter the gates of Heaven.

So pity those who judge, yet, always be open to the Holy Ghost whose judgment is perfect and who may choose to speak to us through the mouths of people.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Sunday School, Pseudo-Christians and life strategies

All righty then!

Anyone who has bothered to read the drivel I clog the web with knows I can argue against most things from about twenty different view points.  For the most part the only argument I have for anything is that I believe people need to focus on applying their rules to themselves instead of applying their rules to others.

I have gay friends and some of them are overjoyed about the death of Fred Phelps.  They are every bit as judgmental of him as he was of them.  I could argue against Fred Phelps or homosexuality, but, in both cases I think people have a right to free speech and to choose their own life styles.

Last week the church sent out an e-mail about changing the e-mail address, again.  About ten years ago the church asked me to put together a web site, so I did.  About a year and a half later the site was hijacked by someone else in the church and I was locked out.  No one even discussed changing web masters.  The guy who took it over put up a web site that linked to an embedded Google map.  Some of the more savvy out there are probably grinning right now about the band width issues related to embedding on web pages.  Occasionally the site would go down because the church exceeded band width.

Look, when I put up the site I paid for everything out of my pocket and I didn't bother with paying for high band width since the church is small and techno-deficient anyway.  Besides, I built the site to be fast, small web pages, not much scripting.  The guy who took it over, with a brand new degree in computer science, didn't understand band width.

Fast forward a year or two and the site goes down.  Oops, someone forgot to renew the domain.  Oh, someone else snatched up the domain and held it for ransom.  Total disaster, most people at church didn't notice.  (Yes, I transfered registration.  I'm not that spiteful)

Who ya gonna call when stuff goes to crap?  You guessed it.  No, I am not going to fix the site.  Ask Joe.  (a Freshman college kid with a much better understanding of networking and graphics design than our aforementioned CS grad).  Joe put together a nice site, but, the people at church didn't enable e-mail for the domain.  In fact, the CS grad and his hooligans disabled the e-mail and forwarders I had set up.

Yeah, some of you are shaking your heads.  Brand and domain recognition is marketing 101 in this information age.  Now you understand why membership is dwindling, essentially it is dying off.  Love my church, love the people, they just don't get it.  All of us are like that sometimes, some of us try to correct that using the gift of literacy and the humongo library we call the Internet.  Not everyone believes in knowledge though, some people believe they already have all they need.

"All I need is this chair....and what I already know"

So I send out a e-mail, some called a flame and some called a rant, that I considered simple criticism.  We need a permanent e-mail address based on the domain (marketing, brand recognition), just set up forwarders and we don't have to keep changing it.

Yeah, the uberknowledgable (sic) powers that maintain ignorance at our institution of judgmental authoritarianism decided on a gmail address in response to my criticism, thereby donating brand recognition of our organization to Google.

When I hit Sunday School one of my classmates suggested I had been ranting.  I disagreed and explained it was criticism.  Nothing heated, just a quick exchange.

The sermon had been on service.  How Christians are supposed to be servants.  A lot of Christians believe they have been endowed by the creator with a judgmental authortarianism that gives them the power to rebuke everyone for the speck in the eye of the sinner without needing to address the wooden box over their own heads, since Christ forgave them.

Actually, a lot of people (as in the gay Fred Phelps bashers mentioned earlier) do the same stuff without the benefit of Christian salvation.  I see it as, pretty much, a human condition.

Our teacher mentioned how many had been serving in the church for years and never had any recognition.  I interjected my 2 cents and explained that I appreciated the way she had been teaching the class for the many years I had been attending. I believed she served by helping people grow in Christ as opposed to being a judgmental authoritarian demanding adherence to a specific doctrine.  This, I believe, is a primary difference between the pseudo-christian and the true Christian.

This led to a discussion about correction and once again I donated my 2 cents.  Proverbs tells us, rebuke a wise man and he will love you, rebuke a fool and he will hate you.  This invited a discussion where some people are actually wrong in their rebuke.  Imagine that, Christians being wrong when they rebuke someone.

I explained, what God had explained to me, that when someone who rebukes us and is wrong, we can accept the rebuke as wrong and still love the person by accepting the rebuke as a genuine attempt to help us become better people.  I used the guy who said my e-mail was a rant as an example, I think he is wrong, but, I love him because he has genuinely tried to help me become a better person.

This is a different way of looking at schtuff, but, it is one I have been using for many, many years.

Three lessons here for anyone looking for a moral to the story.

1:  Sure, you can argue against someone's lifestyle from 20 different perspectives and there is nothing wrong with that.  What we should be doing is applying our own rules to our lives.  We can share those rules, but, we should not be demanding others adhere to our rules.  Not even our rules about being accepting and tolerant.  Insisting people be tolerant is showing intolerance.

2: Try to serve by helping people learn rather than being a judgmental authoritarian forcing people to accept a specific doctrine.  (yeah, this sounds similar to the first.  The first is "apply your rules to yourself" the second is "help others, don't try to force them")

3: When people criticize us, right or wrong, consider the critique. If right we have learned and become better.  If wrong we have learned that the critic cares about us and is trying to help us become a better person.

Is that last one always true?  Is a critic always loving and trying to help us become a better person?  No, some are assholes trying to make us feel bad (a good example is the player I dated recently).  Does believing that some people are scum improve our lives?  I don't think so, I think believing the best about people and rejoicing in love is better than accepting or believing that the vast majority are total and complete scumbags.

Sure, being open, trusting, giving people the opportunity to hurt us through deliberate and demented acts can be difficult.  People can hurt us, especially when we believe they care.  Some people enjoy going out of their way to lead us down a path just to jerk that path out from under us.  We can protect ourselves by living in a plastic bubble (or a cage, a prison, of our own construction).

I would rather be open to what life has to offer and rejoice in love so I choose to believe my critics are sharing love.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Does failure make us more determined, or less determined?

Tonight I had a pretty good date. I've also been talking with another woman who is pretty cool, and might be a better fit. In any case I dragged my butt out of the doldrums and actually did something even though I feel it is too early for me to try dating after my fiasco.

I've been reflecting a lot on the last twenty years and how I ended up here. I spent so many years traveling around teaching people about software and machine tools, working with Universities doing research, government organizations doing testing and development and corporations doing manufacturing technology implementation that I feel like my entire world stopped on a dime when I got sick.

I went from going gang busters for years to not being able to walk up a flight of stairs without being winded and getting a horrible headache. From a “road warrior” diet I tried to keep healthy to a seriously heart healthy diet. From when I was at my worse in 2011 when I couldn't walk a hundred yards without getting sick to the spring of 2012 when I had worked up to a 3 mile walk and my ejection fraction was measured at 50% I worked my butt off at getting better physically. My heart still does crazy things, but, I am in a lot better shape than I was in the spring of 2011.  Getting better too.

Then my life got thrown for another loop, I went from a husband with a potentially terminal heart condition to a widower with a poor heart.

Then I went from homeowner to foreclosure and apartment dweller.

Then I tried dating. What a disaster. I thought fighting through the loss of previous 3 years had given me enough strength to handle dating, but, I got played by someone whose idea of fun was causing emotional pain.

So here I am, a recovering emotional and physical wreck trying to share something worthwhile with women I don't know. I was sitting, waiting for this woman tonight, and thinking “what the heck am I doing?” But, I had a good time with a woman who might be smarter than I am. I love talking with people who are smarter. There are a lot of people who think they are smart, and not very many who really are smart. It was pretty cool.

So, maybe I am recovering. Somewhat anyway.

For me, this is pretty unusual. If I fall for someone really hard I generally wait about a year before I start dating again, but, I have never been played like this before. In spite of being a recovering emotional and physical wreck, double the emotional wreck because the first woman I date after recovering from my life implosion was a player. I decided that it would be a good idea to jump back on the horse.

Was it a good idea? I think so. Most women are not going to get a kick out of hurting a guy. More guys are scummy that way than women are. Have I led a woman on this way before? Deliberately hurt her on an emotionally pivotal day?  Not that I know of, but, I have done my share of scummy things.

The difference between breaking up with someone you care about, even a bad break up, and getting played is the difference between climbing off a horse and getting thrown.

You can fall on your ass getting your boot caught in a stirrup and not be frightened by the thought of riding again.

Let that horse throw you though, and the longer you take to climb back up in the saddle the harder that climb becomes.  Or does it?

My great grandfather forced my grandfather to climb back up on a horse after he was thrown, even though he had a broken arm. Then my great grandfather went and got a camera (this is about 1907) to take a picture of my 8 year old grandfather on the horse. I remember seeing the picture and thinking how big the horse looked under the little child. I remember thinking how that little child was my grandfather, and I remember thinking how big a bully my great grandfather had to have been to frighten my grandfather more than being frightened of the horse.

I was glad I didn't know my great grandfather.

Still, I thought a lot about that picture and I swallowed down that feeling that it was too soon and I went out with a woman tonight. And it was pretty good. Not great, but, okay. No bully forcing me, just a determination that the woman who enjoyed hurting me wasn't going to destroy my ability to enjoy the company of women. Just a determination that a horse throwing me wasn't going to stop me from riding. I didn't need to get right back on the horse, it has been over a month.

I think my grandfather had the same kind of balls. I think he could have waited until his arm healed to get back up on the horse, and I would bet he would have.

When I was a kid my father used to beat me for “playing” with his books when I read his old text books. It just made me more determined to read them.

This woman who played me has made me more determined to heal, physically and emotionally. Heal from the grief. Heal from the loss. Adapt. Overcome.

I think my grandfather was a better man than I am, I think he would have acted similarly with the horse. I think my grandfather would have been even more determined to ride that stupid horse after he had spent time healing. My grandfather hated horses after the experience my great grandfather put him through. I love books. I love women. No one forced me to deal with them after my “beating”, the “beating” just made me more determined.

Maybe that is the secret to my success at doing the impossible. Failure, in some ways, just makes me more determined to succeed.  Any which way, I'm back in the saddle again :-)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Anger, scale and Christ

Well, the other night some guy tried to get tough with me.  I don't have a "moderate" switch, I am either "on" or "off".

I took my daughter to a movie last Friday (March 14th).  She is pregnant.  We were leaving and some guy walked into me.  Then he tried walking right up against me and staring me down.  He was bigger than I am, which is saying something because I run 6'2" and 250lbs.  At first I tried to ignore him, but, he wouldn't let up so finally I asked him if he had a problem.  He told me I walked into him, I told him he had walked into me.  He tried being a little tough and I laughed at him, said something like, "do you think you're a tough guy?  I will fuck you up."  He asked if I wanted to go outside, but, he had scared eyes.  A lot of big guys are like that.  They expect people to back down.  I told him, damn right Mother Fucker and turned my back on him.

That is always the most dangerous moment.  Even though the guy had scared eyes when you turn your back they think they have an advantage.  I was listening for that heavy ass foot fall that would tell me he was charging so I could do a shoulder roll (Imagine Will Farrel in Land of the Lost) to the right, but, didn't expect anything and nothing happened.  Besides, my daughter was behind me and would have shouted a warning.

He didn't follow me out the back door.

Now, you would think that since it has been, almost, ten years since the last time I got into a fight and got tossed in jail I would have mellowed out.  Nope, that old violent streak came right back.  I was seriously disappointed.

My daughter asked me what happened, she called me childish and asked why I wanted to hurt the guy.  I explained that it just would have been enjoyable, like eating a candy bar.  You know it's bad for you, but, sometimes you just go ahead and scarf one down.

I didn't raise my daughter the way I was raised so the comparison didn't make sense to her.  To her there is a difference of scale between hurting people and eating a candy bar.  Both are bad, but, one is much worse than the other.  I didn't see her point.

I'm a Christian so any sin makes me a sinner and any sin separates me from Christ.  Christ made himself a weapon and attacked people in the temple.  There is a time and place for kicking ass.  Did I sin?  That's between Christ and I.  You are welcome to judge me, people judge.  To me there is no difference in scale between sins and not everything people think is wrong is a sin.

The Bible tells us not to kill, yet David who killed 10,000's was beloved of God and a man after God's own heart.

Truthfully, we are not wise enough to understand God's word and what a sin is.  Only through the Holy Ghost can people know what is and is not a sin.  But, people judge and they are going to judge and they are going to believe whatever they believe unless they submit their understanding to the Holy Ghost.

Of course, we end up in jail regardless of sin when the system judges me :-)

Friday, March 14, 2014

Violent abusers, pseudo-christians and stupid people

I was talking with a woman the other day and she told me that if there is a problem, I should confront it immediately.  That made me laugh.

My father was a piece of work.  When I was 6 he told me I wasn't his child because I didn't have a chin dimple.  He was always angry and frustrated with me and he hit me regularly.  As a child there was never any way to avoid being hit, no place I could hide and I couldn't out run him.  As I got older he stopped because I got bigger than he was.  He hated me my whole life and when he died I received nothing.

My mother was an alcoholic who actually rewarded me after my father punished me.  Essentially I was "Pavlov's dog"

Jumping around a bit?  No.

Children learn from their parents.  My father taught me to always react, to pretty much any situation, with anger and frustration and to hit people.  School taught me differently so I grew up without any real foundation in behavior.  I was always going to be punished so nothing was either good or bad.  What I learned is that since there aren't any real rules, whatever I could get away with was okay.  As I got older I got away with more and more.  It really isn't hard to get away with anything.

These days I rarely confront poor behavior immediately, because if I did I might confront it violently.  I'll just shut down and confront it when I am sure I can confront it without killing someone.  This means people often treat me like a door mat, and I would rather be a door mat than hurt people any more.  It is a Christian thing.....

Christianity is like that.  My childhood taught me a lot about relative morality and hypocrisy.

Christ tells us to witness the Good News of the forgiveness of Sin through Christ, whose sacrifice on the cross made salvation available to anyone who accepts the gift.

But, what do pseudo-christians witness?  The forgiveness of sin?  No, they witness their understanding of the LAW from which we have been released.  Pseudo-christians witness Creation, abortion, homosexuality, anything which can distract people from the Good News of Forgiveness.

The Bible is a good tool for learning how to live, when the Holy Spirit guides us in our study.

The Bible does not, in any way, give anyone authority to tell anyone else how they should live.

Christ tells us Christians should be servants.  Do servants have the authority to tell anyone how to live?  How to behave?  What to do?

Of course not.  Masters tell people what to do.

Very occasionally a trusted and beloved servant may get away with some critique of their master's behavior.  Occasionally.

So why do so many Christian's think the Bible gives them the authority to become the masters, giving orders which must be obeyed and criticizing everyone else's behavior?

Satan of course.  What better way to disrupt the Good News of Forgiveness than by convincing people that they must force others to follow a Law from which Christ released us?

The greatest sin, the unforgivable sin, is to witness along side the Holy Ghost.   The Greek word that is translated to "against" actually means "along side", as in "against the wall".  By convincing pseudo-christians to witness "along side" the Good News by constantly berating people about the Law, Satan drives "believers" into hell and "unbelievers" into hell.

Satan has a great plan and Satan is executing it brilliantly.  Twist the Good News spread by pseudo-believers into Criticism, Humiliation and Ridicule and enforcement of a Law from which we have been released.  That sends the Pseduo-believers to hell.  The pseudo-believers drive the unbelievers away from Christ and so the unbelievers end up in hell.

In the meantime guys like me, who refuse to follow the pseudo-christians, who insist on applying the Bible to themselves and not to others, who talk about Forgiveness and Love and who rebuke pseudo-christians, are berated and called blasphemers.

Could Satan have a more perfect plan?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Stupid dreams and passivity

So a little over a month ago this woman I was dating dumped me.

Last night I had a dream where she was telling someone that our breaking up was "mutual", and that "something" was the worst mistake she had made.  I'm not sure, but, I think she meant that dating me was a mistake.  Now what interpretation of subconscious crap can I make of that?

The emotional roller coaster has been tons better since I quit taking the clomid, so I can't blame the dream on that.  I still get dewey eyed when I think about my late wife or my son, but, I'm not breaking out crying at weird times when they come to mind any more.

So why, a month later, am I still having dreams about a woman who lied to me about her feelings for me, to set me up, treat me badly on a day I am having a difficult emotional time anyway and then dump me the next day, just so I can add more crap memories to a bad day.  I mean, I totally get that I was falling for her, but, I knew she was lying and I knew she was going to dump me (okay, I didn't guess she would wait for a pivotal emotional day).  Why am I still dreaming about her?  Especially weird dreams like "it was mutual", where the hell would that come from?

I don't want her back, sure, I want her and I do love her, but, I know that love is not and will not ever be returned and the only reason she would ever try to get back with me is to hurt me again.  The love is all one sided and she is just added to a short list of women I have been in love with and broken up with.  So why dream about something so weird?

Probably this woman would like nothing better than to make me feel so miserable I committed suicide, as if my personal belief structures would allow for such a thing.  In any case, her primary motivation seems to have been to hurt me, emotionally, as much as was possible.  Targeting me at a time I was particularly emotionally vulnerable and deliberately maximizing the pain on my dead son's birthday, and the day after.  Blatantly continuing the lie even when I caught her lying red handed.  I'd need self esteem lower than a snakes belly to even try and believe her crap.

So why the dream?  I've always postulated the existence of a kind of energy field that connects all living things.  Our thoughts are electro magnetic and exist outside of our heads, they can be picked up using Brain Computer Interfaces with super conductors.  All of our thoughts are constantly being contributed to this huge interconnecting energy field and I think that sometimes we can access ideas, thoughts, emotions.  I doubt if this weird dream is something associated with anything like that, but, I suppose it is possible.

I think it is more likely that this is based on some sub conscious feeling I am having.  I keep telling myself I should have broken up with her on Christmas day.  I spent Christmas eve with her and she was sweaty and tasted like another guy's cologne.  We didn't have sex or anything, we just hung out and made out for a bit.  Maybe this is just me, trying to convince myself that I took an active position instead of being so fricking, lamely, passive.

I'm pretty easy going these days.  I don't like conflict and I try to avoid it, but, not to hard.  If pushed I can become violent in some situations.  As a result I try to avoid conflict and confrontation.  I'd rather be passive and non-violent than hurt people any more, but, maybe, my sub-conscious is telling me that it has been so long, 2004, since I have been in a physical altercation, that I am ready to be more assertive without becoming violent.  10 years is the longest I have gone, ever, without being in a fight, and the longest I have gone since I was 16 without getting tossed in jail.

I'm told a life style change that goes on for 5 years is probably permanent so maybe this not being violent, not getting tossed in jail is a permanent life style change.  Maybe I can be comfortable with being more assertive now, maybe I won't transition into violence any more.  Truthfully, I would rather be a door mat than kill someone, but, maybe, what my sub-conscious is telling me is that there is a middle ground that I am ready to try walking.

I'll work on that, being more assertive without letting myself become violent.  Maybe I am ready to be that guy these days.  If I have a choice though, I'd rather be a door mat than become a violent asshole again.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

medications and being emotional

So I had this ridiculous dating fiasco.  This isn't about that as much as it is about medications and how they affect us, but, I think the dating fiasco influenced my meds.....

My primary care doctor sent me to an endocrinologist.  They checked me over, my blood sugar is high so they sent me to a nurse practitioner who specializes in diabetes management.  I really liked her so I made a pass and got her phone number.  (Score one for the big guy, NOT)

That is the only medical appointment I had with her and she prescribed a medication called "clomid" to boost my testosterone and change the way my endocrine system was working.

Yeah, I've been wondering why I felt so wacked.  "clomid" is used to treat infertility in women and it messes with hormones and emotions like .....she did.

I quit taking the stuff this morning.  Hopefully in a week or so I will be back to normal.  This stuff can cause depression, so taking this med on top of the grief I have been dealing with has probably been a bad idea.

In addition one of the more common side effects is bloating and since I am now prone to congestive heart failure this medicine was probably a bad choice for me.

The other medication she prescribed, for my diabetes, I am going to continue to take.

It makes me wonder, did this woman prescribe a medication she knew would mess with my emotional health on purpose or by accident?  Did she totally blow it off when I discussed my grief issues with her?

In any case, I am, once again, amazed at my own ignorance.  I should have figured out my change in mood, the intense feelings of grief, these last two months, could have been caused by the new medications.  I stupidly put my faith in a medical professional that I know now is wacked.

On another, similar, note, when I created that profile on the dating website "ms I love you but I have to dump you because you made a single snide remark" was using, a woman who works in my primary care physicians office sent me a message, which I ignored, and she has been dicking me around on appointments.  Just my luck, attract a vindictive woman while I am breaking up with a nut.

So what did this big guy learn from this mess?
1: Don't date if your head isn't clear from the past.
2: Pay more attention to your meds, John Boy.

Oh well, serves me right for trying to date before I get my head out of this grief crap.  It will be a while before I actually try and date again and I will pay more attention to my meds.  In the mean time, I think I will try boosting my testosterone the old fashioned way, pumping iron.

There is no better way to get something off your chest than actually pushing something off your chest.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Getting past tomorrow

I believe in reincarnation.  I believe that the souls of those who have passed on can return.  I don't believe in a Buddhist style reincarnation.  In fact, I doubt if my views of reincarnation are shared by very many, if any, others.

There is a Jewish belief in reincarnation.  Go ahead and research that if you would like.  It isn't really popular and there is a lot of discussion and debate about exactly how it works.  None of that really matters.

So what do I believe about reincarnation?

I don't believe in time, so souls can live a life time in the present, then a life time in the past and a life time in the future or at any time.  A father can be reincarnated as his own son, a son can be reincarnated as his own father.

Why?  Suppose a soul hasn't really made a choice between God and Chaos, yet the body dies.  Some say God sends that soul to hell.  I don't believe that.  I think it is more likely that God gives those souls who are on the "fence" as many chances as they need to make a choice between Heaven and Hell.

Suppose a father, like mine, was an abusive jerk who treated his son like crap.  Why wouldn't God send that same soul back to become the abused son?   Suppose the son hates the father and can not forgive?  What happens?

Suppose someone commits suicide, why wouldn't God send them back to relive their life over again?

What is a "soul connection" or a "soul mate"?  It could be the same soul living two different lifetimes or it could be two lovers who have been reborn.  It is a connection of love that transcends life and death.  Ever felt an instant connection to someone?  Ever felt "love at first sight"?  Welcome to this connection between people.

So what does this mean for regular people?  Nothing really, the purpose of life is still to choose between God and Chaos.  If someone decides that they never have to decide they have chosen Chaos.  If someone really chooses God they have no need to live any other lives and they go to judgment.

The rest of us continue to live, die and be reborn without any knowledge of our past lives except in dreams or these instant connections to other people.

It also means that if we fail to forgive others, we really might be failing to forgive ourselves.  Think about that, could the person who hurt you and you share a soul at different points in that soul's development?  If we demand revenge against someone, could we be demanding that we ourselves are punished?

When I realized that God gave us as many chances as we needed, almost like playing a video game, I felt less pressure to divorce myself from this world.  That was a mistake.  In fact, it makes it more important to divorce myself from this world.  This helped me realize that this is very probably my last life.  My last chance to focus on God.

This last dating fiasco I went through helped me to realize that I am still very much attached to this world when I should be attached to God.

That creates a problem for me, because it means I have to learn how to focus on God and God is teaching me to do that.  Imagine that, God cares enough to teach me that the things, the people of this world, are unreliable, undependable.  God wants me to focus my life on God, and God is doing everything possible to make that happen.

For me, the reality is that the only path from today into tomorrow and the future in eternity is through Christ.

Should Christians believe in Reincarnation?  Yes, but, it is not important for salvation.  Reincarnation does play a part in Christ's story though.

One of the prophesies fulfilled is the prophesy that Elijah, who was taken bodily into heaven, would return to make the way for the Messiah.  Today Jewish people set a place for Elijah at passover to emphasize that Elijah has not returned.

In Luke 1:17 we are told that John the Baptist will go forth in the Spirit and Power of Elias.  In Matthew 11 Christ tells us, in reference to John the Baptist, "this is Elias".  In Matthew 17 Christ tells us "Elias is come already" in reference to John the Baptist.  In Mark 9 Christ tells us that Elias is come, again in reference to John the Baptist.  In John 1 though, John the Baptist is asked if is Elias and John denies being Elias, or more properly, Elijah.

What happened here is that Elijah was reborn as John the Baptist.  This is how God chose to fulfill the prophesy.

Pseudo Christians

In Matthew 7 it is written:

Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

This is incredibly important because it tells us what not to do, even more so because in the same Chapter Christ warns us:

18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

So what is the fruit of Christianity today?  When people who do not go to church, and even many that do, are asked "What is the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word 'Christian' ", do they respond with the word "forgiveness" or "love"?

What fruit is Christianity growing today?

Galatians 5:
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

Are these the fruits that are being harvested?  Or is Christianity associated with judgment and condemnation?

Matthew 18:35
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

Christians are known for condemning far more than they are known for forgiveness or love.  Why is that?

Christ said, in John 5:29-32:
"29 And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.
30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.
31 If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.
32 There is another that beareth witness of me; and I know that the witness which he witnesseth of me is true."

What does that mean?  How does the Holy Ghost bear witness of Christ?

When I was young I didn't understand.  Even after I was saved I didn't grasp what this meant.  God blessed me with a couple of visions and I began to understand.  Christ and I began a true relationship and I understood why Isaiah wrote in 53:3 that Christ was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief.

When someone speaks or writes with the Holy Spirit the Holy Spirit witnesses what is said or written to those who can hear and those who can see.  Those whose hearts are set on using God's word to tell others what to do cannot see or hear the witness of the spirit because God hides the truth from them.

God hates a lying tongue:
Proverbs 6:
16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Yet God will send a lying spirit out that will cause people to lie:

1 Kings 22:22
And the Lord said unto him, Wherewith? And he said, I will go forth, and I will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets. And he said, Thou shalt persuade him, and prevail also: go forth, and do so.
2 Chronicles 18:22
Now therefore, behold, the Lord hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of these thy prophets, and the Lord hath spoken evil against thee.

So why would God make people lie if God hates a lying tongue or a false witness that speaketh lies?

Why would God send Christ and the apostles to spread discord among the people, to challenge the way they worship and teach God's word if God hates those who soweth discord?

What does God hate more than lying or sowing discord?

Losing people to chaos, to eternal damnation.

It is said that God judges.  It is also said that any who choose God will be forgiven and accepted into paradise.  If people choose what does God judge?

God judges the choice we make.  Did we sincerely and completely choose God?  Did we pretend to be Christians because we wanted authority over others?  Did we see Christianity as something we could use to further or own desires?

God sometimes has me witness to non-believers.  Usually though I witness to people who want to believe, but, have been confused by the erroneous teachings of those who use Christianity to cast people down.  Often God has me witness to stiff necked people who pretend Christianity. I doubt if God expects them to change.  I don't know why God shows me what God does, or why God has me witness to them.  Maybe they will change.  I think it is more likely that at the end days God will say, "I sent someone to tell you to listen to the Holy Ghost, you ignored them and listened to other people.  You set your heart against my word and placed your faith in the words of people."

Over and over Satan twists words.  Like Christ, who can do nothing of himself, I tell people to ignore me and listen to the Holy Ghost.  For this I am called a hypocrite.  Like Christ I tell people to listen to God and ignore the words, ways and laws of people.  For this I am rejected of man.  These things I count to my benefit.

Matthew 12:30-32
King James Version (KJV)
30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.
31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.

I prayed once about the word against, and the words blasphemy in this context.  If we check out the Greek word used as "against", there is no corresponding word in 12:31.  The word is implied when translated into English from the Greek.  The word against in 12:32 is the Greek word
κατά (G2596) and it actually means "according to, toward, along".

What does that mean?

Two people can witness exactly the same thing, both sound totally sincere, and one can be witnessing "along side" the Holy Spirit and the other can be witnessing the Holy Spirit directly.

God taught me that it is being with the Holy Spirit that is important.  Just because people travel along the same road does not mean they are together.  Some travel with the Holy Ghost and those who are with the Holy Ghost are with them.  Those on the same road, yet not with the Holy Ghost, are actually working against the Holy Ghost, pushing people from the road of love into the chaos of condemnation.

This is why non-believers see Christians as judgmental and condemning when Christ actually teaches us not to judge or condemn.

It doesn't take many false witnesses to corrupt the vision Christ had for the Church.  A few people traveling along the same road telling homosexuals or lesbians about the mote in their eyes while ignoring the plank in their own eyes does an amazing job of corrupting Christianity. 

Condemning those who practice abortion, without regard to Exodus 21:22, as murders with a mote in their eye, while ignoring the plank in their own eyes helps paint Christianity as judgmental and condemning.

Is it worth throwing away the fruit of the spirit, love, compassion, gentleness, to be known as those who judge and condemn?  Pseudo Christians think so.

The Holy Ghost will witness the truth of what I write, to those who are open to receive the Holy Ghost.  To others my words will be as clanging symbols to be condemned as Christ was condemned.

Monday, March 03, 2014

"Christians" and grieving

Okay, so this dating fiasco I went through showed me I have a ways to go to deal with my grief and I have been trying.

I had a discussion with a “Director of Christian Ministry” on line today. I posted on-line that I ran into a psychologist and I was discussing grief with her so she suggested a book called “ZEN and the Art of Happiness”. I read the book and the basic theme is: “What ever happens is the best possible thing that can happen”. This is not something that helps people in grief.  In fact, it is one of the top ten things you shouldn't say to grieving people.

So this "Christian" guy posts, “If they had a relationship with Christ while here on earth, then physical death is the best thing that could have happened to them.”

Here is a list of stuff not to say to people who are grieving:

Number 3 is, “It's better this way” and Number 6 is, “It's God's will”.

How does anyone with a compassionate bone in their body say this stuff. No idea, but, people do. I have had people say all these things to me.  This was particularly annoying because this is someone actually being paid to minister.  Imagine, paying someone to say this insensitive stuff.

This is a perfect example of unchristian behavior and a perfect example of the way some self proclaimed "Christians" alienate those who are seeking.  When "Christians" behave this way it destroys credibility.

What are Christians supposed to do?  Witness the Good News of the Forgiveness of Sin through Christ.

What do Pseudo-Christians do?  Witness about anything other than the Good News.  A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a friend who is gay and he told me that he really appreciated the fact that I am accepting of people and I don't spend all my time telling him he has to change or he will go to hell.

I explained that only sinners ended up in Heaven and I didn't see how his sins were any worse than those who judge others, in direct opposition to Christ's commandment, "Judge Not..."  In fact, I think gays are much more likely to get into Heaven than most self proclaimed "Christians" because a gay person is aware that they are committing a sin and a judgmental "Christian" believes they are righteous.

John D. Ayer
I was talking to a psychologist the other day about grieving and she suggested a book. I bought the book and read it.

Overall theme of the book: Tell yourself that everything that happens is the very best thing that can happen.

Think about that for a second. Who in their right mind tells someone grieving, someone who lost a son and a wife and a mother that it was the very best thing that could have happened?

Definitely need a sign for that psychologist.
Unlike · · Share · March 1 at 3:25pm ·

DofCM If they had a relationship with Christ while here on earth, then physical death is the best thing that could have happened to them.
3 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer I hope you never have an opportunity to be tested on believing that losing your wife or child is the best thing that could have happened.
3 hours ago · Like

DofCM It seems you are only looking at this from your perspective. There are other things to consider. What if it was part of God's plan for them to leave this earth? I would also like to know exactly what the person meant by their deaths being "the best thing that could have happened."
2 hours ago · Like

DofCM I also assume that the circumstances surrounding someones death would dictate how someone feels about it
2 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer Go read the book, ZEN and the art of hapiness.

The premise is actually a very good one and I used a similar meditation theme prior to the death of my son, my meditation theme was, "This is the best moment of my life because it is the moment I am now l
iving." Later, when I became a Christian again I added "God made this moment and it is the best moment of my life because it is the moment I am living right now".

Jim, if you ever need to counsel someone who lost a child or a spouse I suggest you do not try and convince them that it was the best thing that could have happened to them. Take it from me, that is not a good direction to take.
2 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer In fact, the best witness that I have about loss is comparing it to an amputation. Losing someone we love is like an amputation. We never get over it, or even past it, we just learn to live without that missing piece of us. It takes time and people learn at different rates.
2 hours ago · Like

DofCM I hope whoever you are seeing is a Christian, and practices from a scriptural foundation. Also, you are going to have to try harder to convince me that leaving this earth to be with my creator is not the best thing that could happen to me. I encourage you to above all seek God's comfort and guidence in your life no matter what situation you are in.
2 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer Jim, Believe me, you don't want to encourage God to test your resolve on this issue.
2 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer I can't loan that book, but, I can loan you my kindle with the book on it if you would like to read it. It isn't a bad book, just not a book for someone dealing with grief.
2 hours ago · Like

DofCM Im not asking God to test me in this area, but I know that I trust in the one who created me and know what awaits those who believe in Christ when they die!!!
2 hours ago · Like

DofCM Is it a secular book or rooted in scripture?
2 hours ago · Like

DofCM I dont have a kindle. I just recently got into the smart phone era!! lol
2 hours ago · Like

John D. Ayer It is a secular book about ZEN, which is a way of behavior that focuses the mind on the present moment rather than the past or the future. Most practitioners of ZEN are Buddhists, but, ZEN itself is not a religion.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM Im familiar with zen. I was curious if it was being presented with Christian believes or not
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer Jim, until you have suffered the devastating loss of a spouse or a child I suggest that you don't tell people who have lost their children or their spouse that it is a good thing.

No, the book is not focused on Christ, but then, a lot of books that cl
aim to be Christian don't focus on Christ either. A lot of books focus on people's interpretation of scripture rather than scripture.

I like ZEN because it is consistent with Christ's teaching about focusing on the moment and not worrying about the future.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM So you are saying that unless i have personally experienced something, i am not qualified to speak on it? Why do you assume i havent lost a loved one. Again i will say, there is no better place to be then with our creator and redeemer. I am not sure why you disagree with that.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM I tend to stay away from books that are not somehow Biblical. Unless i am researching something specific
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer No, Jim, again you are twisting my words. I suggested that until you have suffered a devastating, such as a spouse or a child, loss you shouldn't tell people who have that it is a good thing.

You are welcome to twist my words any way you like, but, I don't see how that helps either of us.
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer 2nd Timothy 3:16 tells us all scripture (the Greek actually translates as writing, not necessarily only writing pertaining to God. The way the word scripture was used in the 15th century is consistent with the Greek and inconsistent with how we use it today) is good for education.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM What words did i twist?
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer I said:
Jim, until you have suffered the devastating loss of a spouse or a child I suggest that you don't tell people who have lost their children or their spouse that it is a good thing.

No, the book is not focused on Christ, but then, a lot of books that claim to be Christian don't focus on Christ either. A lot of books focus on people's interpretation of scripture rather than scripture.

I like ZEN because it is consistent with Christ's teaching about focusing on the moment and not worrying about the future.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM I would you encourage you to further study the context of that passage, as paul was not referring to all writings
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM So what was your intent when you gave me that siggestion?
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer Really, I suggest that you go read it, because, in fact, he was. The passage above, 3:15, specifies "Holy Scripture" while 3:16 is more generic on the subject. Were your assumption to be correct the writer would have specified "Holy Scripture" a second time.
about an hour ago · Unlike · 1

John D. Ayer My intent was to suggest that until you have suffered the loss of a child or a spouse that you not tell people who have that it was for the best.

Even if you do suffer such a loss making that statement to someone who has might still get you into trouble, but, at least then you would have had the experience which gives your statement credibility.
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM Thats an incorrect assumption. He didnt need to be redundant. He was continuing his thought from the previous passage
about an hour ago · Like

DofCM Dont see how telling someone the truth would get me in trouble, atleast not with God, which is what matters
about an hour ago · Like

JHFW I rejoice knowing my son is with God but I grieve losing him and the hurt is as real today as it was June 8, 2013.
about an hour ago · Unlike · 2

DofCM So are you equating experience with credibility?
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer God will decide what truth is Jim and God's ways are beyond the thoughts of people.

Yes, experience gives people credibility. The Holy Ghost brings their own credibility and witnesses to those whose eyes can see and whose ears can hear when someone speaks from the spirit.
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer Jim, not once have you said anything like what Jane wrote. no backpedaling here and pretending you were saying something different.
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer What you have said, over and over, is that death is the best thing that can happen to someone who has a relationship with Christ. Not once have you validated any grief response. What you said was that the circumstances of a death influences how people feel about it.
about an hour ago · Like

John D. Ayer FYI Jane, I think the Holy Ghost prompted your post and I don't believe the Holy Ghost has prompted any of Jim's posts.
58 minutes ago · Like

John D. Ayer By the way, go study the Greek for 2Timothy 3:15-16. It might surprise you to know that there were two different Greek words used, G1121 and G1124. Go study before speaking without the spirit and from your own understanding.
49 minutes ago · Like

John D. Ayer
Jim, you wrote:
"If they had a relationship with Christ while here on earth, then physical death is the best thing that could have happened to them."

" It seems you are only looking at this from your perspective. There are other things to consider. What if it was part of God's plan for them to leave this earth?"

How does that, in any way, shape or form, come anywhere near what Jane wrote?

John D. Ayer
Top 10 Things Not to Say to the Bereaved
Q. During a recent funeral, I overheard someone tell the adopted son of the dece...See More
27 minutes ago · Like · Remove Preview

DofCM This will be my last post...john, i pray that God continues to show his love to you and that you find complete comfort in Him alone
25 minutes ago · Like
John D. Ayer Jim, I appreciate your prayers. Your inaccurate reading of scripture and your completely insensitive comments were forgiven by me as soon as you made them.

I hope God finds a gentle way to teach you sensitivity for those who grieve because you are seriously lacking compassion.
19 minutes ago · Like

John D. Ayer I posted this exchange on my blog because it is a perfect example of unchristian behavior and a perfect example of what people who represent themselves as Christian do to alienate those who are seeking.
17 minutes ago · Like

DofCM What happened to your posts john?
8 minutes ago · Like

John D. Ayer What posts?
5 minutes ago · Like

DofCM nevermind, im still learning to use my "smartphone"
2 minutes ago · Like

John D. Ayer No prob.
2 minutes ago · Like


If you are interested in 2nd Timothy 3:15-16 the words used are in 3:16

and then in 3:15 two different words are used to denote Holy Scripture,

Holy translated from:

Scripture translated from:

Once someone studies and prays it become obvious that the subject matter changes between the two verses.

Addendum 2:
Notice that throughout our conversation I never disagreed with DofCM, I just pointed out that it would be a bad idea to tell people who have suffered a devastating loss that it is a good thing.

DofCM insists, "Also, you are going to have to try harder to convince me that leaving this earth to be with my creator is not the best thing that could happen to me."  This is just twisting my words, and this is a common method Satan uses.

DofCM insists, "Again i will say, there is no better place to be then with our creator and redeemer. I am not sure why you disagree with that."  again with the word twisting, I never said any such thing.  This is just false witness.  I never disagreed.

This is a perfect example of unChristian behavior.  In the statements by DofCM there is no compassion or sensitivity, there is misquoting of scripture by someone guided by their own understanding, there is false witness and twisting of the words of others.